I dont need to be sexually validated to love myself. I dont need you. I need me.


I wish I practiced this sooner.

Dreams???????

I've been having these crazy dreams. They're a mixture between video games and movies. Its like the setting and locations of Halo but the crazy 'villains' from Borderlands, with demonlike characters from the Underworld movies. The dream came in three's. A trilogy so to say. I only really remember the last one.
The entire point of the dreams was to defeat these alien villain things. The human resistance. In the third dream, we were in a building. A giant, alien-looking building (reminiscent of the buildings of the Covenant in Halo). In this dream, we (the resistance) finally realize that the reason all of these crazy, deformed people and creatures are here destroying and taking over Earth (I assume we were on Earth), is because the Demons were controlling them in order to rule the world. (Classic. Cheesy. I know...) So when these Demons realized that we were kicking so much ass, they came to Earth themselves. Okay, the Demons had 6 members. The 'King', his three seemingly identical daughters, a batlike man creature, and his wife. So the 'King' sent his daughters down and I fought one of them. But in order to fight them (and they, you), you had to have these collapsible metal spears. So we were fighting and she was winning. Eventually I just took out a pistol and lodged a bullet into the front of her skull. She went down. But knowing that one shot to the head wouldnt kill her, I shoved the spear into her stomach. Her eyes glazed over white. Filmy. My brother soon came along next to me. I was out of ammo and begged for him to find a weapon and do some real damage to her. All he had was mace (wtf?) and so he blinded her already filmy eyes. And then, she started to come back to life. We watched as her eyes changed colors, from white to a reddened brown. She took shallow uneven breaths. So we ran. We could do nothing else. So we ran.
Then, it flashed forward to the Demons. All sitting in a cold looking stone room gathered around a table. The bat guy was talking about how he had to save her. Then it flashed back to the half dead demon daughter and the bat guy hovering over her. Apparently the only way to save her was to convert her and transfer some of his blood to her. Enabling her to become half bat, half demon. And she lived. And she wanted personal revenge.

It was epic. In my head...


I dunno. Crazy shit.

Cant sleep. Too busy being not tired.

ramble shamble

I cant even deny it anymore. I love you. My heart swells at the thought of you. I catch myself staring, silently scolding my internal dreamer that longs to be with you. You're always on my mind, I cant even help it. Nor contain it. Its bursting through my chest. Like radiation. I smile a small smile full of sadness and hopelessness. But I smile a small smile out of the sheer fantastical nature of the beast. I love you furiously.


But its time to wake up.

Deletion scandal!

My blog apparently had the nerve to delete/hide itself from view (even to me). After a strenuous 2 minutes process, I managed to reclaim my site from said horrible beast of an attitude. My blog has apologized and changed its ways, however. I guess thats what I deserve for not being on it enough.

I know this feeling. This futureless feeling. This absence, this void. I'm crashing. I've never felt so unalterably dead. My fingers are like sleepless led balloons as they drudge over these keys.
I wish to go over to where you are and love you.
You dont have to try around me. You dont have to be anything but your inspiring, messed up self. And I will accept you. Above all, I will love you for who you are. Because you matter to me. You have no idea how important you are to me.

I have so much left to say, I cannot even say anything more.

There is something wrong with me.

Disneyland! One week! Woooohooooooooooooooooo! I love you, ladies.