Starting Now.

I am going to live. I will talk it out. I will strive and flourish. I might hate my situation, but I will make the best of what I have.


I've been hanging around with him more. The word confused is an understatement.

I love West Side Story. I love the music, the dance, the atmosphere of the show itself. I cant tell if I am dreading or looking forward to Swan Lake in October. I wonder with anticipation the results of future casting...

I dont have much to say, really. I feel calm. I feel... at peace with everything.

Suddenly, a memory.

I remember sitting in my room, staring at the paper covered walls, crying. I didnt want to change the childish bunnies and animals and quaint, calming colors. Not because I loved it so much, but because it was my innocence, my childhood, my youth. And I cried, afraid of growing up. Afraid of dying. Afraid of losing myself.

I was ten. Who feels that at ten...

This Wednesday,

School starts up again. Let the invisibility process begin.

I really dont mind going unnoticed. In fact, I rather enjoy it. I love spending good quality time with myself, improving on my flaws, mulling over my thoughts, accomplishing priorities. I just wish it were easier. I'm surrounded by a sea of people I dont really respect or admire for the most part. They're bitterly bland, and cant see past the drink in their own fumbling hand. I just wish I didnt have to try to maintain the conventions of society and specifically, the social aspects of high school.

I shouldnt have to force myself, right? Whatever happens naturally, happens?