Chopin, Moonlight Sonata...

I'm engulfing myself in classical music. Listening to Chopin, slipping into it like silk. I love his Nocturnes. They absolutely take my breath away. They draw me to tears. If You have any heart or soul or desire or passion or hope or love or dream, I recommend you listen. Not just hear, but listen. And let Yourself feel vulnerable. Let Yourself sink. Let Yourself be completely isolated and alone. Let Yourself fall into complete solidity and bliss. Feel the music, feel the blood pulse through you. And then, let go. Let go of everything.

I love you. So much.

I love you. So much. What if I told you nothing. What if I whispered nothing to you. Those long nights filled with nothing but silence; nothing but the occasional car alarm. I cant tell if it would kill me or make me stronger. Everything is different, yet I'm still the same. I knew myself, I knew what I now know. Now, I'm just affirmed.

I knew, that I'll never know everything. I know that I knew I was right.

I love you. So much. I don't want to die. Ever. I wont miss you. Not my family. Maybe a lover. But not my family nor my friends. No, I recant my statement. Not a lover either. Life would move on. I would evolve. I wouldn't miss a beat. I would live off of the life of others. Their youth, livelihood, their love, their thirst for making something out of themselves. I would feed off of them. Suck them dry. I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid to stop living. I'm afraid I wont have enough time to really live, and not just survive another after another after another decade. I dont care who I leave behind. On the other hand, I would bite the bullet for anyone; a complete stranger, if thats what it came down to.

I love you. So much. The things we told each other. The words shared. Hard wood floors. White cotton bed. Cool breeze through the room, caressing the curtains. I could never go back to you, my almost lover. You deserve more than the issues presented to you. I'm sorry. I wish someone could appreciate you as much as I did. Women might adore you. Or love you. Or want you. But to understand you. To appreciate your flaws? I hope you find that.

I love you. So much. Cant you just get it? Why dont you get it???

I love you. So much. But I cant wait to leave and never look back. I dont care about you. I dont care about any of you. I feel like you just dont get it.

The saddest part is, I'm talking to myself.

And all that jazz!

I absolutely abhor those who dish what they cannot take. I detest hypocrites, no, not contradictions, but full-fledged hypocrites. You make my blood boil. And I'm not usually an angry person. But damn, you have a way of getting to me. But I keep my passion introverted. I wouldnt want to become someone like that; I know better, I want better for myself.

On a side note. :)

I LOVE ANIME/MANGA/COSPLAY/all that jazz. If you didnt know, you know now. I cant even explain the depth of my deep love for anime or manga. Its slightly incomprehensible. Its extremely dorky, I'm well aware. But I would not have it any other way.

Bucket List continued...

6. Go to a Fanime Convention

p.s. Speaking of "all that jazz", did you know? I really REALLY would love to be apart of a Chicago production.

p.s.s. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

"Its A Pretty Good Day..."

I had a great day today. Nothing monumental or exciting happened. No surprises, no ecstasies. I was just in a really fabulous mood. And then it continued as I arrived at dance and saw that I'm cast as The Fairy Godmother in Cinderella! I am so happy, I cant manage to put my euphoria into words. I'm just delighted. And kind of nervous. This role will be a challenge! However, I'm sure they wouldnt give it to me if they didnt think I could handle it (cross your fingers). Hehe, well I'm off to do nothing. I love you all!

Bangs are in the air?

I'm choreographing to Vivaldi's Winter for CWB's Choreography Workshop. I'm... excited? Nervous and a little anxious would be two fitting terms as well, however. I have a bunch of ideas, but not a solid stream of choreography you know? So it will be a bit of a challenge, but I'm up to it. I'm listening to Vivaldi so much, soon I'll be crapping out violins... (bad image, sorry.)

On a side note, I NEED BANGS. Elease got bangs, and now I'm hooked! I just need a change to my hair. I get so bored with the longlonglong locks. I've always been a sideswoop kinda gal, but change here I come!

Possibilities?:

Or I might just keep the sideswoop bangs but revamp it a bit?

Bucketlist Continued...

I told this (excuse my language) douche bag off yesterday. It felt really good. I refused to be a Bystander. I got cursed out because of it. But, it was appropriate. So, I did it. And it felt really good.

I dont know if I want to go to Prom. I know I will go, but I dont know if I want to. I dont want to go with someone I dont really want to. Is that selfish, a little gaudy perhaps? I guess so.

I've realized that I dont need a guy in my life right now. Its not as if I like any of my present options anyway.

Its funny how much a picture can dredge up, huh? How many memories; the feelings, coming flooding back. Its like sitting on top of one of those dunk tanks where the people have to hit the target with somesort of baseball in order to 'dunk' the target sitting on the platform. Its kind of like that, when you finally crash into the water. Unexpected. But you cant help but smile because of the probability and the conventions of it all.

I want to go read in my bathtub (with water, of course). I think I will.

Oh and I'm continuing my bucketlist:

5. Create a ship in a bottle.

More to come.