Defining

I've finally found the word. The word of the feeling I've tried to describe to so many people. The word I've written about without even realizing. I have been searching for it, and now I have it.

Its rubatosis. And its beautiful. And scary. And alive.

n. the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat, whose tenuous muscular throbbing feels less like a metronome than a nervous ditty your heart is tapping to itself, the kind that people compulsively hum or sing while walking in complete darkness, as if to casually remind the outside world, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.